Entries categorized as ‘Jokes’
BS”D
Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana while awaiting their respective flights.
One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another was a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward to cover his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, “At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few.”
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, “Once my people were few,” he sneers, “and now we are many. “Why do you suppose that is?”
The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl. ”That’s ’cause we ain’t played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it’s a-comin’.”
Cross-posted at Avid Editor’s Insights
Categories: Jokes
Tagged: Jihad
BS”D
In this day and age, we need to keep track of what the markets are doing.
Here’s today’s report.
Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up
sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Toilet Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
Hat tip: Halfdone posted by scrubone (?)
Categories: Jokes
Tagged: Stock Market Report
BS”D
If you visit Revolution Muslim, one of several websites apparently managed by Youssef al-Khattab aka Joseph Cohen (yup, that’s right) you will encounter his lengthy disclaimer. Considering the contents of the site, as in contents of a septic tank, I recognize the wisdom of his attempt to cover all eventualities.
I doubt it will work though. Read the Patriot Act Youssi. If you are ever suspected of being a domestic terrorist, and the Feds decide to act on their suspicions, you will not be able to stand on your “constitutional rights” of anything. If anything you do falls under the jurisdiction of the Patriot Act, and the Feds do decide to take you in, your contitutional rights will be suspended.
I know, it’s not fair.
Well, I don’t want to keep my readers waiting any longer. Here is al-Khattab’s disclaimer:
DISCLAIMER:
We hereby declare and make absolute public declaration that revolutionmuslim.com operates under the first amendment right to freedom of religion and expression and that in no, way, shape or form do we call for war against the U.S. government or adhere to the enemies of the United States elsewhere. We do however hold the belief, as stated honestly and openly in our mission statement, that the Muslim world should be permitted to unite under the banner of Islam. To suggest that this in some way implies that the reestablishment of the caliphate would require the dismantlement of the United States government is fallacy. We seek, rather, to witness the imperialist ambitions of the United States government and especially the private tyrannies (corporations, financial institutions, military-industrial complex) that control it subside in their quest for empire and “full spectrum dominance” and we call for the relinquishment of autonomy and respect for sovereignty across the Muslim world to the people and not in the hands of the dictators, and authoritarian regimes this structure keeps in power by continuing to engage in foreign policy we feel is the root cause of all the terrorism in the world. This statement is a disclaimer and any and all information published on this website is in accordance with all local, state, and federal law and all donations and funds distributed both domestically and to the island of Jamaica go solely to further the objectives of the organization and are operated in accordance with laws for nonprofit religious, educational and charitable organizations in the United States.
This website is a collection of essays, articles, and publications for educational purposes only and shall not be deemed to mean that they are necessarily those of Yousef al-Khattab or RevolutionMuslim.com. Any and all messenger chats & emails sent to us may be published on this website.
After that (you can stop holding your nose now), treat yourself to the following post at The Jawa Report.
Made my day. — Ellie Katz
Categories: Jokes
Tagged: legal disclaimers, Revolution Muslim, The Jawa Report, The Patriot Act, Youseff al-Khattab
BS”D
BS”D
Here’s a few particularly delicious quotes from Sultan Knish on one of the Jewish people’s most effective weapons, shared with with nations for free. Hey, we’re suppose to be a light. So, lighten up everyone.
For more, go visit Sultan Knish. After that, do your patriotic duty, write those satirical posts and make those sizzling, funny and disrespectful videos.
“When Mark Twain said that, “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand”, he was speaking as part of a long tradition of American humorists who satirized the great and powerfull, who knew that nothing so much cuts a puffed up ego to size and the insecure man hiding behind it, as a well told joke. Islam in our time is the biggest puffed up ego there is. A fradulent religion based on the plagirism of a vicious desert warlord turned into a global empire. There is not one thing new in Islam. Its only claim to power is that it is wielded by men more ruthless and murderous than any other today.”
“We’re not just the resevoir of the world’s talent but its humor too and humor is the ultimate weapon against the balloon that is Islam. Islam can only expand by force. It can’t leverage any real military force against us. Instead it expands by intimidation, by conformity, by deception, by political correctness. It has no defense against laughter. Men who are so insecure they would kill over a stray word here or there, can’t stand up to being laughed at, to being ridiculed, to have their cherished values transformed into a laughingstock.”
“So go on telling those jokes. When the arguments run out and the rhetoric is exhausted, humor can always be fresh and a weapon no one can argue against. Get out your photoshops and make those pictures. Get out your Windows Movie Makers and make those videos. There’s one thing Muslims can’t stand above all else and that’s mockery. It drives them mad and when that happens they show their true face beneath the false polite masks they so often wear, in a way that not even liberals can long ignore.”
Cross-posted at Avid Editor’s Insights
Categories: Jihadi Propaganda · Jokes
Tagged: Humor, Islam, Jihad, Mark Twain
Categories: Jokes
Tagged: practical jokes
BS”D
A sure cure for the sadness of abandonment by the entire world — is some old fashioned Jewish schtick.
Okay, that may be overstating the remedial value of humor, but I found this video just before I found the dreadful headlines in the previous post, and dammit, I’m going to post it.
Categories: Jokes
Tagged: Catskills Comedy, Jewish Humor, Jewish Schtick, Stewie Stone
bs”d
There were five houses of worship in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue. Each was seriously overrun with pesky squirrels.
One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration, they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they should not interfere with God’s divine will…
In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
But – the Catholic Church came up with what might be the best and most effective solution: They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Now, not much was heard from the Jewish Synagogue. But they took one squirrel and held a short service with him called a circumcision and they haven’t seen any squirrels on the property since.
And…
For all who appreciate the outdoors; here’s a picture of the rarely photographed South Florida Squirrel…
Categories: Jokes
Tagged: Humor, Jokes
