Amused Confusion

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I thought I’d pop in for a minute or so.

I am completely befuddled by the conflicting requirements of some of my favorite detractors, and yet, I often find myself, in the midst of said confusion, also entertained by these folks. Life can be dull, thus we all need reasons to laugh, so I would like to encourage these comedic fellows to keep it up. As they say, with enemies like these, who needs friends?

The folks I speak of are the various and sundry organizations and groups who make it their mission in life to promote a derogatory view of my people. They are otherwise known as “anti-semites”.

Yes, I realize that the Arab peoples are also descended from Shem and thus are “semites” in the etymological sense…but this term, which gained respectable usage in the 1800’s in Germany, defined hatred of Judaism and the Jewish people. With that in mind, I’m addressing the expectations imposed upon me and my people, “the Jews” by anti-semites. So, to all devoted anti-semites out there, please…I need clarification of these expectations. I mean, if I don’t understand, how am I to comply? I’m just scratching my head here…..

Here are a few assertions made by anti-semites that demonstrate why I’m confused:

1) We are the inbred descendants of pigs and monkeys***. We are also taking over the world. (??)

2) Two Jews, three opinons. Okay, we came up with this one, but I’ll bet “they” agree. Golda Meir once quipped to President Nixon, “You may be the president of 250 million people, but I’m the prime minister of 5 million prime ministers.” Apparently, we tend to be pushy and bossy… “stiffnecked” if one is speaking biblically. Let’s call this the “Extremely Opinionated Trait”; I admit, it exists. Yet somehow, around 4000 Israelis/Jews…AGREED not to show up for work on September 11, 2001. Given our propensity for “lively discussion”, let’s say the memo did go around. Can you imagine the kind of easy compliance necessary to accomplish this amazing feat? Imagine the meeting. I just know somebody walked out in a huff and the meeting broke up after that. In fact, if such a meeting ever occurred, then they’re still arguing about the best way to implement the plan. Guaranteed. For more info click HERE . Debunking Here.

3) We have taken over the banks of the world, yet we find it necessary to beg America for money to prop up Israel.

4) We are somehow behind all the wars of the world since time immemorial, yet we are obliged to lobby the United States Congress in order to sell Israel weapons.

5) We are guilty of “judaizing” the world while simultaneously taking over with Zionism, which is racism. Never mind that in Israel, I have seen with my own two eyes lots of Jews that look amazingly Chinese, Mexican, Russian, South America AND Ethiopian. Judaism is also an elitist religion, bent on excluding and subjugating non-Jews. I’m not going to analyze this. I like to think Freud would nod in agreement as I walk away.

6) My favorite: We murdered Jesus and for this we must never be forgiven throughout all time. What’s interesting about this view is the assertion that Jesus was blond-haired, blue-eyed and most definitely NOT a Jew. No, he was some Aryan guy who wandered into the Holy Land, became a political agitator, claimed to be our king and then got himself in a heap of trouble with Caesar. There are so many stories flying around about Jesus…as they say in more scholarly works, space does not permit a more complete discussion of the topic. The really unfair part of this whole line of thought, is how the Romans, who had a bad habit of taking over entire countries, pilfering them of their wealth, stealing pretty women and cute kids to make as their slaves, and who ruled the world with an iron hand for some 900 years, (making Germany seem a little silly really) — Rome, who crucified all kinds of hapless fellows during the same time period, probably because they had the nerve to want to keep their wives and kids…just gets off the hook. How does that work? There are very few websites dedicated to the vilification of Italians. There is no known forged booklet entitled “Protocols of the Elders of Italy” anywhere to be found. Please explain.

In short, we are both genetically defective idiots while at the same time evil geniuses. We are incompetent parasites who are amazingly capable of commandeering all international political machinery in order to use it for our own purposes. We are masters of the world, (and I would think it logical, if only by extension, also masters of our own DESTINY) who by the way, also managed to get the Romans so ticked off at us, that they leveled our capital Jerusalem, and our Holy Temple. We haven’t seen one shekel of Temple gold or any Temple utensils since then either, and that stuff was expensive. Very annoying.

We did manage, after TWO THOUSAND years of wanderings, tears, stolen homes and businesses, having our children ripped from our arms, (the Czar needed 10 year olds for his army at the time) men impressed into various armies, obligatory conversions, pogroms and unimaginable pain wherever we were forced to flee … after all that, we got a little tired of the rejection, stopped arguing Talmud-Torah just long enough to secure one little corner of our former homeland, only to find ourselves embroiled in wars approximately every ten years for the last 60 years of statehood, and I guess that makes their case.

I think maybe if we had such a tight grip on things, we would probably have considered it in our best interests to have called off the alleged Holocaust.

Or am I the only one who thinks this way?

Footnotes:

*** Many of those who make this assertion, about being descended from pigs and monkeys, either enjoy an occasional pork roast or have a monkey for a pet. Then there are others who make the same assertion, while also laying mutual claim to Abraham as their father. Now THAT is confusing. Does this mean they think Abraham was a monkey?

Final Note